出场角色[]
- Stan Marsh
- Kyle Broflovski
- Eric Cartman
- Craig Tucker
- Timmy Burch
- Jimmy Valmer
- Randy Marsh
- Sharon Marsh
- Jimbo Kern
- Wendell's Cashier
- Wendell's Manager
- Mr. Glughgogawk
- Darryl Weathers
- Chet
- Aaron Brown
- Christina Naylon
- Brad Morgan
- Harrison Moore
- Chris Holt
- Mrs. Landis
- Bill O'Reilly
- Aging Hippie Liberal Douche
- Herbert Garrison
- Mr. Nelson
- Various Unemployed Men
- Various Future Immigrants
剧本[]
未来居民 | |
Interstate 285 looking north, twilight fading to night. There are two lanes on either side of the highway, with a grass median in between. A Snacky Cakes truck rolls by. Tumbleweeds begin to roll. A few seconds later, the highway sign begins to shake violently and then crackle with lightning. The camera pans to the right and more lightning is seen until a sphere of energy with a doorway appears. More tumbleweeds roll by. | |
A flash of light follows, and a humanoid steps forth from the sphere. He looks around and mumbles something. He walks towards the highway, looking around all the while. A car comes up quick on him and he freezes in the headlights for a while, then jumps out of the way as a Busy Beavers Moving Company truck barrels past him. A car comes up on him on the other side of the highway. He gets up quickly and steps out of the way. Traffic picks up and the humanoid dodges all the vehicles until a car almost runs him over. The car brakes and tips him over. | |
South Park, next day. The boys approach a house, which has more snow on it than usual in South Park, especially along the windows. Indeed, it looks like the town has just had a snow storm overnight. Each of the boys carries a shovel. Stan rings the bell. A woman answers. | |
Yes? | |
[sweetly] Hello ma'am. We're going around town and offering snow-shoveling service. Would you like your driveway and sidewalk shoveled for eight thousand dollars? | |
Oh well, I certainly could use some little snow-shovelers, but eight thousand dollars seems a little steep. How about ten dollars? | |
Ooo, ouch, ma'am, please, let go of that tight grip you have on my balls! Ten dollars, you're breaking my balls, ma'am! | |
How about fifteen dollars? | |
It's a deal! All right, guys, let's get to work! [moments later, Stan and Kyle are clearing the driveway while Kenny clears the front lawn, moving by Cartman, who is now seated on the steps talking on a cell phone] Yeah, it's so totally awesome. Craig crapped his pants when he saw it. Yeah, sweet. So what's goin' on over there? Yeah, that's pretty cool. [Kyle walks up to him and stops] No way! He did not! Aw dude, that is so weak. [notices Kyle, then lowers the phone] What? | |
You've been on your fucking phone since we started! | |
Dude, I'm takin' a break. | |
A break from what?! You haven't done anything! | |
Kyle, how many times do we have to go through this? I'm the negotiator. I negotiate our price with the customers. | |
All you ever do is talk about your balls! | |
It works, doesn't it? Did I not just get us an extra five bucks? | |
If you want your share of the money, then you're gonna shovel snow like the rest of us! | |
Hey! Don't boss me around, you fuckin' Jew! I will kick your ass! | |
Moments later the doorbell rings again. This time the camera is in the house looking at the door from an angle. The woman approaches and opens the door. The boys are shown, with Cartman keeping his now-bloody nose from oozing any more blood. | |
Ma'am, do you have a rag and some bandages? | |
Oh goodness, what happened? | |
Shoveling accident. | |
Oooh, no, come on inside. [leads them in and stops in the middle of the living room, in front of the TV. A newscast is on] Wait right here, I'll be right back. [walks off] | |
You're so lucky I have a... sore shoulder, Kyle, or I would have let you have it. | |
Cartman, just keep your mouth shut. | |
This is breaking news. Here's Anchorman Aaron Brown. [the boys turn to watch] | |
[CNN anchor. An image of the humanoid is shown, with the caption "Guest from the Future" above it] Incredible, absolutely amazing news today. A man from the future has come back in time and is in a government hospital after being hit by a car. | |
Whoa. | |
Christina Naylon has more. | |
[soldiers patrol the area around Hangar 18] The news is incredible, Aaron. Experts and scientists have been with the man from the future for several hours now, and have been able to learn that he is from the year 3045. His condition is stable, and speculation continues as to why he has come. Has he come to deliver a cure for cancer? Or to fix something wrong with the past? | |
Have to interrupt you there, Christina. Apparently, Brad Morgan is inside the base with breaking news. Brad? | |
[inside the base. Scientists and soldiers mill around the alien's bed] Aaron, the scientists have been able to communicate further and have uncovered that the man from one thousand years in the future has come to our time... looking for work. Uh, he has said that the future is so overwhelmingly overpopulated that there are simply no jobs in his time, and so he built a time portal and has come back to 21st century America, uh, to find a job here. | |
Heheh, it's absolutely astounding. He came back here for work? | |
Huh... that's right, Aaron. Hi- his plan is to get a job here, in our time, so that he can put the money he earns into a savings account, uh, which will earn interest, and by the year 3045 be worth billions of dollars, uh which of course in the future will be worth only hundreds of dollars, but uh, enough, he says, to feed his family. | |
And now I understand we're going to Harrison Moore, uh, for an explanation on how the time portal works. Harrison? | |
[at the time portal. News vans, reporters and scientists, one in a space suit, gather around and marvel at the portal] Aaron, I'm standing at the time border which scientists say follow Terminator rules. That is, it's one way only and you can't go back. This is in contrast, say, to Back To The Future rules, where back and forth is possible, and of course, Timerider rules, which are just plain silly. Anyway, it appears that the man from the future is here to stay. | |
Later, Stan returns home. He enters with his shovel. | |
Mom, Dad! Did you see? They found a man from the future! | |
We know, Stanley. We've been watching. | |
If you're just joining us, a man from over two thousand years into the future has come through a one-way time portal looking for work. Uh, the President is expected to give an announcement at any time. | |
Breaking news here at the time portal, Aaron. It appears that another person from the future has just arrived! [the camera pans right to show a HazMat team checking the person for radiation] It looks as if the job at Wendy's did work for the original immigrant; this second arrivee claims that man's family is now much better off, and wishes the same for his family. | |
Stan's house, night. Sharon puts Stan to bed and tucks him in. | |
There you go. All set, sweetie? | |
Mom, can we go try to see the people from the future? I have a bunch of questions I wanna ask 'em. | |
I'm sure a lot of people do, hon. It's pretty exciting, isn't it? Now, you just get some sleep. [turns off Stan's lamp] You've had a busy day. [walks off. At the door she turns and looks at him] Goodnight, sweetie. | |
Night, Mom. [after she leaves, he puts his arms up and behind his head and smiles] Wow, two people from the future. How cool. | |
Interstate 285 looking north, twilight fading to night. The highway sign begins to shake violently and then crackle with lightning. The camera pans to the right and more lightning is seen until it reaches the portal. A flash of light follows, and an humanoid steps forth from the sphere. Another flash brings forth another humanoid. Another flash brings forth a third humanoid. Another flash brings forth his wife, another flash brings forth their daughter, and another flash brings forth their son. Another flash brings forth another humanoid. They head for the highway, which is busy now. They all make their way across, avoiding being struck as they cross the lanes. | |
South Park, day. The boys once again make their rounds as shovelers and stop at a house. Stan rings the doorbell, the door opens, and a different woman greets them. | |
Yes? | |
Hello, Mrs. Landis. Would you like snow-shoveling service again today? | |
Ooh, oh dear, I'm sorry boys, but I've already hired someone else to do it. | |
What?! Who?! | |
One of those immigrants from the future. He said he would do it for twenty-five cents. | |
Twenty-five cents? Well that's not even worth it. | |
All right guys, come on. Let's go to the next house. [the boys turn to go back to the sidewalk...] | |
Dude. [the camera pulls back to show these immigrants shoveling snow off sidewalks and driveways up and down the street] | |
Son of a bitch! | |
CNN News Brief. An image of a family from the future is shown, with the caption above reading "Time Immigrants". | |
Still more immigrants from the future arrived at the time border today, some even bringing their entire families. the purplish goo that they have on their bodies when they arrive is an ectoplasmic side effect of the time-travel process. This is all giving scientists a great opportunity to learn even more about American life in the future. Chris Holt joins us now. Chris? | |
[seated to Brown's left] Yes, there are incredible things we're learning about Americans in the future, Aaron. I- it appears that in the future, Americans have evolved into a hairless uniform mix of all races. They are all one color, which is a yellowy light-brownish whitish color. Uh, it seems race is no longer an issue in the future, because all ethnicities have mixed into one. Perhaps most interesting is how this has affected their language. The people in the future speak a complete mix of English, Chinese, Turkish and, indeed, all world languages, which sounds something like this: [makes three guttural sounds] Back to you, Aaron. | |
Apparently the people from the future are having a pretty easy time finding work. Since they offer to work for such low wages, they're being hired all over America. | |
A meeting has assembled somewhere. Two flags hang from the back of the meeting room, one of them American, the other of Colorado. Men from all walks of life argue amongst themselves. | |
[left side, front row] This is bullcrap! I ain't standin' for this! | |
[at the podium] All right, folks, my name is Darryl Weathers and I'm with the Construction Workers' Union. I work with a lot of fine men who have families to feed. Now, I don't know about you all, but we worked long and hard to get our pay up to a level where we could make a decent living. And now these people from the future are showin' up and offerin' to do the same work for next to nothin'! They took our jobs! [the audience, which is unemployed, clamors in agreement] | |
[rises, wears dark blue short-sleeve shirt, black pants] We're in the moving business! Fourteen years we've been workin' our butts off! Now these future folk come in and we can't get work nowhere! They took our jobs! | |
They took your jobs! [the rest of the audience clamors] | |
Well what about us in the fast-food business?! The restaurants are firing us 'cause the future people work for a lot less! They took our jobs! | |
[at random times] They took your jobs! | |
[pipes up] It's affecting kids too! Me and my friends started our own snow-shoveling business. We were trying to be responsible and make money, you know? But then the people came along and, and now we're out of work too! [silence] Oh, they took our jobs! | |
[at random times] They took yer jobs! | |
Interstate 285 looking north, twilight fading to night. The highway sign is shown, but the camera pulls back to show a new CAUTION sign showing an entire family crossing. The signs begin to sway back and forth violently and crackle with lightning. The portal is shown, but now it expands so the people from the future swarm into the present en masse. | |
South Park, night. At Stan's house, Randy and Sharon are at the sofa reading. Sharon reads a book, Randy reads the paper. Stan enters from the front. Sharon spots him. | |
Stanley, it's almost eight o'clock. Where have you been? | |
I was at a rally to protest all the immigrants from the future coming in and tryin' to- [an immigrant descends the stairs with a basket of dirty clothes and stops to ask Sharon something using guttural sounds] | |
Oh yes, the laundry machine is down in the basement and our son is home. Could you please set the table for dinner? [the immigrant makes some guttural sounds and walks away] | |
[leery] Who is that? | |
That's our new housekeeper, Mrs. Gruhd. She's gonna help around the house on Tuesdays and Thursdays. [aside] And she'll do it for ten cents an hour. | |
Oh, but that's the problem! Those goobacks are taking our jobs! | |
What?! | |
Oh my God! [he and Sharon rise, Stan backs away a bit] Stan Marsh, how dare you use that time-bashing slur?! | |
Who taught you to talk like that?! | |
Well dude, they are taking people's jobs away. | |
They're only taking the small menial jobs that nobody else really wants to do. | |
I wanted my job! | |
Hey, Stanley, you need to understand something: Those people from the future have had a hard life! Where they come from is dirty and overpopulated and poor! You can't even imagine the kind of depression they come from! So, for us, who have everything sooo good, to judge them, is wrong! Do you understand?! Next time you think about calling them goobacks, you might just wanna stop for a second and think about how crappy the future really is! | |
That's right! We're not raising our son to be an ignorant timecist. | |
Timecist? | |
You know, a racist, but against people from the- | |
People from the future. Right, got it. | |
All right, good. Now, let's all go eat some of Mrs. Gruhd's great future cooking. | |
The O'Reilly Factor. | |
And now, here is Bill O'Reilly. | |
Welcome, welcome to the No-Spin Zone, all right? And what we're talkin' about today are the immigrants from the future. All right? Now, most people are more than happy to give a helping hand to these people who obviously need it. All right? But others are starting to say that the time portal should be closed off. All right? Now, I've got two guests with me tonight who have opposing views on the matter. On my right is pissed-off, white-trash, redneck conservative. | |
Thanks for having me, Bill. | |
And on my left is aging, hippie, liberal douche. | |
Hello. | |
Now, pissed-off redneck, you say we shouldn't allow anyone else through the time portal, all right? | |
You're Goddamned right! These people from the future are takin' all the work away from us decent present-day Americans! [leans in and low and almost grunts] They took our jobs! | |
They took our jobs! | |
Those jobs belong to people from the present! | |
All right. What say you, aging hippie liberal douche? | |
Heh, it's typical for conservatives rednecks like these to view the immigrants as the problem, heh, but really, the problem is America. It is our greedy multinational corporations that keep everyone else in poverty. Your ancestors came to America as immigrants. What right do you have to turn these people away? | |
All right, redneck, your rebuttal? | |
[says nothing, then rises, leans forward and low, and almost grunts] They took our jobs! | |
They took our jobs! | |
[really slurring] Too-kourderb! | |
South Park Elementary, day. The school bell rings and the students are in their seats. So are a lot of new immigrant students. | |
All right, children, the school board has mandated that I must now teach class in both present-day English and Futurespeak. | |
What?! | |
So, with that in mind, let's continue our lessons on verbs. Remember that there are transitive verbs such as [writes on the board] "The boy threw the red ball," which in Futurespeak of course, is [makes a sentence of grunts and guttural sounds] Everyone say it with me? [the kids repeat the sentence, which sounds like a series of barks, coming from them. Jimmy attempts it] Aaand there are intransitive verbs, such as [writes on the board] "The 11:15 bus from Denver arrived twelve hours late." Or in Futurespeak, "Vvut." | |
"Vvut." | |
Dude, hold on! This is bullcrap! If they wanna live in our time, then they should learn our language! | |
Yeah! | |
That's right! [other students speak up] | |
[steps in] Hey now, these immigrants have a right to retain their culture. Who are we to say our language is best? They deserve to have an education just as much as you do. | |
Thank you, aging, hippie, liberal douche. | |
You betcha. [steps out] | |
Timmih. | |
Okay, now let's get back to it, kids. What kind of verb is this? [writes on the board] "The sad girl puts balls in her mouth." Or, in Futurespeak of course, "Gluch gligh balls glych gligh." | |
Back at the meeting room, the unemployed men gather for another rally against the immigrants from the future. | |
This is bullcrap! | |
Listen up, everybody! We've just received a reply from our congressman. [unfurls a letter] "Dear intolerant rednecks, we sympathize with you all losing your jobs. However, we feel your solution of shooting everyone who crosses the time border is inhumane." | |
What? That's ridiculous! | |
They can't do that! | |
That was a good idea! | |
So it appears the government ain't gonna help us! Which means we gotta take matters into our own hands! The only way to stop people from the future is to stop the future from happening! | |
Hey, that's right! If there is no future, then there'll be no people from the future to come back and take our jobs! | |
Take r jurbs | |
All right! So, any ideas how we can stop the future from happening? | |
How about we cause more global warming, so that in the future, the polar ice caps melt, and it ushers in a new ice age? | |
[pause] How the hell is global warming gonna cause an ice age?! | |
Well you know, the... global warming could bring on like a climate shift or somethin'? | |
Chet, you are a fuckin' r*****, you know that?! Even if global warming were real, which all proven scientific data shows it isn't, it would take millions of years for a climate shift to happen! You think an ice age can just happen all of a sudden-like? | |
Well I was just tryin' to be helpful. | |
Well help yourself to a fuckin' science book, 'cause you're talkin' like a fuckin' r*****! Now, come on people, we've got to think! Damnit, they took our jaorbs! | |
[randomly] They took our jobs! | |
South Park, day. The boys walk down the commercial district noticing immigrants from time to time. Various immigrants greet them and try to sell them fruits, but the boys walk on. A hovering futuristic car comes up next to them, sets down, and bounces the front end up and down like a lowrider. The driver then activates the hydraulics and the car begins to dance. The boys just look in wonder as the car settles down and then moves off. Its exhaust hits the boys' faces and they cough. Next, the boys head for a Wendell's Burgers restaurant. They enter and head for the counter. | |
Aw, dude. | |
The boys see that the restaurant is staffed by immigrants from the future. One of them approaches to take an order. | |
Gaur da'ka? | |
Can you speak in present-day English please? | |
Uh oh... Can I help... you? | |
Uh yeah, I want a double cheeseburger and fries. | |
[looks at the boys quizzically, then shows off the chicken sandwich to his left] Chicken sandwich? | |
[getting annoyed] No, a double cheeseburger and fries! | |
[taps away at the machine's keyboard] A cheeg- fry? | |
What?! | |
A cheeg- fry? | |
We can't understand you, asshole! [the cashier's manager comes up and talks to him for a bit. The cashier points at the boys. The manager takes over and resets the order] | |
Can I help you? | |
I'm trying to order a double cheeseburger! | |
[shows off the chicken sandwich to his left] Chicken sandwich? | |
No, it's not a chicken sandwich! [his parents enter the restaurant and stand in line behind him and the boys] I want a Goddamned cheeseburger and some Goddamned fries you fucking goobacks! | |
Stan Marsh! | |
Aw- awwww! | |
Back at the rally... | |
Come on, people, think! How are we gonna stop these immigrants from takin' our jobs! | |
Hey, I got an idea. Uh maybe we should all take off all our clothes, scramble into a big pile and start gettin' gay with each other. | |
Did you say "get gay"? | |
Hey, yeah. Well that's not a bad idea! | |
What? Gettin' gay? | |
Think about it: These people are from the future, right? Well, if we can git everyone to turn queer, then there won't be no children to have no children, and the people from the future won't exist to take our jobs! | |
I ain't turnin' queer. | |
You have to, Jimbo, or else we won't be able to stop them! They took 'r jaobs! | |
Yeah, they took our jobs! | |
[slurring] Took our jobs! | |
[begins to take off his clothes till he's in briefs and boots] Let's go over to that part of town that all the future people moved into and start humpin' each other until they disappear! Come on! [comes down from the podium and makes his way to the doors. His briefs fall off, and he turns around] Come on! You want your jobs back or not?! [turns around, walks out and turns right] | |
Welcome to Little Future. This part of South Park is congested and built upwards. Parts of it are rundown. The drivers there all drive hovercars. Some kids dance around on a stoop as adults walk by. | |
[appears with the other rally participants, all of them naked] All right, you future bastards! Think you can take our jubs?! Well, we'll show you! Come'ere, Earl!. [the burly man wearing the Skynard hat steps forth and starts making out with Weathers] How do you like that, gooback?! [the immigrants just stare back puzzled. Weathers addresses the rest of his peers] Come on, you guys! [the other men just stare for a while, then begin to make out as well. The immigrants just look at them.] Everyone who believes in America, join in with us! We're gonna make these future bastards nonexistent! | |
South Park Center for Seismic Activity. Randy arrives for work with Stan in tow. | |
Aw, come on, Dad! How come I have to go to work with you? | |
Because you're being grounded, Stanley! Now I don't wanna hear another word out of your intolerant mouth! [Randy opens the door and they both go inside. The office walls are now brown instead of gray. Randy closes the door and motions Stanley to a chair behind it] You just sit right there, Stanley, and you think about what you've done! [puts his coat on the coat rack and sits at his desk to begin his day] | |
You'll find all the copiers and printers in the next room over and then uh- | |
Hey, Mr. Nelson. | |
Oh... R- Randy... Uh, I'm surprised to see you here. | |
Why? This is my office. | |
Ooohh boy, didn't you get my phone message? Ooh, this is awkward. Well, the thing is, Randy, you've been- replaced. | |
What? | |
Well we found an immigrant from the future who knows geology and he offered to work for next to nothing. Uh, this is Mr. Glughgogawk. | |
Gheglo. | |
You can't be serious. | |
I'm... sorry, Randy. It's just, with all the budget cuts and all, we'll give you some time to clean out your desk. Follow me, Mr. Glughgogawk. I'll show you to the copy room. [walks away with the immigrant. Randy is left alone to contemplate his next move] | |
Oh my God. They took my jarb!! | |
They took yer jarb!! | |
CNN Breaking News. | |
This is CNN. | |
Breaking news at the time border. We go now live to Harrison Moore. | |
Aaron, I'm standing at the time border where some kind of mass protest has broken out. [more immigrants enter through the portal] Hundreds of men who have lost their jobs to time immigrants are here having sex with one another. [a shot of all the men in a big pile, in all sorts of positions, as news crews film them] These men have apparently sucked and screwed their way across the state and are now here at the time border trying to get national attention. These unemployed men have been having sex for several days. Joining me is their spokesperson, Randy Marsh. [Randy steps into view, patting his moustache down] Mr. Marsh, what exactly are you trying to accomplish? | |
We're doing the only thing we can do. If our government is just gonna let anybody into our time who wants to come, then we have to take matters into our own hands. [another camera view shows Stan next to his father. Stan tries to block out this interview with eyes shut tight and his fingers on his nose] We're trying to turn everyone gay so that there are no future humans! Present-day America Number One! | |
Yeah America! [A close-up of the mass of men fornicating with each other] | |
Take our jobs! | |
Do you really think you can get enough people to turn gay to destroy the future of humanity? | |
All we can do is try, Harrison. | |
[walks into the picture] Trying to stop immigration is intolerant and ignorant. Those immigrants have a right to pursue happiness. | |
[lowers the mic to Stan] Young man, what do you think about all this? | |
I think it's wrong to call them goobacks because they're no different from us. [loosens up and opens his eyes] They're just humans trying to make their lives better. Look, it sucks that the immigrants' time is so crappy, but the cold hard truth is that if we let them all come back to our time, then it's just gonna make our time crappy too. Maybe the answer isn't trying to stop the future from happening, but making the future better. [the mound of men stops copulating] | |
[at the top of the mound] Huh? | |
I mean, maybe if we all commit right now to working toward a better future, then, then the future won't be so bad, and, these immigrants won't need to come back here looking for work. | |
[inside the mound] Hey. He's right. If we build for a better future, the immigrants will stay there. | |
Yeah. We've got to start working towards a brighter tomorrow. | |
Well what are we waiting for? | |
Montage of green living. First scene is a group of men planting trees. Next scene is a group of people at a recycling center watching Mr. Garrison toss in his bag of spent aluminum cans. Mr. Slave then tosses in his load. | |
Next scene has the boys, Randy, and Weathers bringing food to African tribesmen. Next scene has the boys helping Randy and Weathers paint a wooden fence white. Next scene is a newly-minted wind farm in South Park made by the townspeople. | |
Stan and Shelly look at each other, smiling. Next scene has Weathers plugging his electric car into an outlet next to the garage door as others watch. Next scene has Stan bringing a gift to the towm bum. A bunch of adults follow him proudly. Next scene has some of the kids and many of the adults swaying gently to some music. | |
We've got to work for a better future, we've got to join hands for tomorrow. | |
Look, it's working! [one by one, the immigrants vanish from view] | |
The future begins with you and me. | |
The immigrants are fadin' away! | |
We're doing it! | |
Next scene shows the townsfolk cleaning up a meadow. Next scene has the Marshes watching Weathers and an assistant install solar panels on the Marshes' roof. Last scene has the townsfolk tilling ground at a farm. | |
We've got to work for a better future, we've got to join hands for tomorrow. | |
Dude, wait, wait, ho- hold on. Wait a second. [drops his shovel] This is gay. | |
[drops his shovel] This is really gay. | |
Yeah, this is even gayer than all the men getting in a big pile and having sex with each other. | |
Okay, sorry, my bad, everyone back in the pile. [everyone races back to the pile. The men take off their clothes] | |
Back in the pile everyone! | |
We're going back to the pile. | |
Jump in! | |
Come on, everybody! | |
Never mind, we're going back to the pile! | |
Took yer jurb! | |
未来居民 结束 |