变本加厉/剧本

梗概

冷知识

图册

剧本

在线观看

巫婆之子

变本加厉/剧本

水中小熊

出场角色

• Eric Cartman
• Heidi Turner
• Kyle Broflovski
• Stan Marsh
• Butters Stotch
• Token Black
• Jimmy Valmer
• Wendy Testaburger
• Bebe Stevens
• Red
• Nichole Daniels
• Annie Knitts
• Lola
• Courtney
• Millie Larsen
• Molly
• Steve Black
• Linda Black
• Liane Cartman
• Herbert Garrison
• Mike Pence
• Paul Ryan
• Mitch McConnell
• Memberberries
• Bill Keegan

剧本

变本加厉
	Heidi's house, night. She's in her room, in bed, but can't sleep. She has her phone with her, on her bed. A call comes in and she picks up. It's Cartman, of whom she has a wallpaper on her phone. She sighs and answers.
Heidi	[expectantly] Yes, Eric?
Cartman	[sobbing uncontrollably] Heidi! Heidi! Heidi! Heidi! Heidi! Heidi! Heidi!-
Heidi	Eric, this isn't working.
Cartman	Heid- Heidi, no, please! Heidi, Heidi, I would be nothing without you, okay? I'm sorry. Okay? Please!
Heidi	You called me a whore and pushed me in front of a car.
Cartman	Heidi, I was in a bad mood! I told you, that's what happens after I eat! My blood sugar spikes and I get all anxious, and then I cra-
Heidi	Eric, you just can't keep being mean to me and blaming it on your blood sugar.
Cartman	But ih, but it's true, Heidi! It's all my mom's fault. She feeds me all this crap, and my body doesn't know how to process it. Mom! Mom!
Liane	Yes, hon?
Cartman	You fucked up my life, Mom! Fuck you! How could you feed me like that, you bitch?! Get outta here!
Heidi	Eric, if blood sugar is really the problem, then you need to change how you eat, right?
Cartman	Right. Like, whattaya whattaya mean?
Heidi	Eric, every time I've talked to you about maybe being a vegan with me, you just tell me vegans are pussies. But then you try and blame food and your mom for being-
Cartman	It is the food, and it is my mom, Heidi! It is! I wanna be vegan with you! I need your help to show me how. Please, Heidi. I need you right now, more than ever. I wand to do this. Please!
Heidi	You really mean it?
Cartman	Yes, Heidi! That's how much I love you! I'm vegan from now on.
Heidi	All right, Eric. We'll see how this goes, okay? See you tomorrow.
Cartman	Okay. Okay, bye, honey. [hangs up]
	The cafeteria, lunchtime. The boys are at their usual table chatting, and Cartman looks pissed again.
Cartman	That dirty whore! Who does that bitch think she is?! Packing my lunch for me?! Fuck her, dude!
Jimmy	Pissed off at your girlfriend again, huh Eric?
Cartman	She's not a girlfriend! She's a controlling, manipulative whore!
Kyle	That's enough, Cartman! I am so sick of hearing you call Heidi horrible things!
Cartman	That's because you don't understand how much it sucks to be in a relationship!
Heidi	[approaching] Hey babe.
Cartman	Oh hey babe, what's going on?
Heidi	What are you up to?
Cartman	[uninterested] Nothin', just tellin' the guys how awesome it is to be vegan.
Heidi	[happy] That's great. You wanna come eat with me? I can explain what I packed.
Cartman	Yeah, sure. That sounds awesome. [he leaves with her]
Kyle	I don't get it. I just really don't get it. How is she still supporting him?!
Stan	She loves him, I guess.
Kyle	But he clearly sucks! She has to know he sucks. What the hell is going on?!
Butters	Well, it's not our problem.
Kyle	It is our problem. This is affecting us! Our whole school. There's got to be a reason she sticks by him.
	After school. The bell rings and kids pour out of the building.
Kyle	[spots her and runs up] Oh Heidi? Heidi, you got a sec?
Heidi	Oh. Hey Kyle.
Kyle	Hey. Uh, listen, uh... I-I know you and Cartman have an anniversary coming up and, I was just wondering, you know, um. How do you think he's doing? Aaas a boyfriend.
Heidi	Well, whattaya mean?
Kyle	Well, you know, like, some of us are thinking that, uh, maybe he's not super-qualified to be with you?
Heidi	Oh, God, not you too.
Kyle	Just, like, what are the things about Cartman that you find remotely redeeming?
Heidi	Look, don't you think I get it enough from my girlfriends? "He sucks, Heidi. What's wrong with you? Why can't you admit he's a loser? How could anyone ever go with him?" I was just following my heart. Isn't that what you're supposed to do?
Kyle	You don't have to get defensive. I just-
Heidi	[gets in his face] Who's being defensive?! He's great! We're doing great! I didn't make a bad decision! I don't need you to stand there and say "I told you so!" [turns around and walks off]
Kyle	I didn't say "I... [she whips around again] told you-"
Heidi	[points at him] You know, you don't know what Eric's like when we're alone, okay? He's actually really good to me. [turns around and walks away]
Kyle	Wooow.
	Heidi's house, day. Cartman is at the front door knocking insistently. Heidi walks to it and opens it.
Cartman	Heidi! [walks in with a bag of food] Oh my God, you're not gonna believe this.
Heidi	What?
Cartman	You were so right [Heidi closes the door] when you said there were vegan options for everything. [puts the food on the table] Remember how you told me about Beyond Meat?
Heidi	Yeah, the vegan meat that's made with all vegetables and plants.
Cartman	Well, I tried it and you were right. You can't even tell the difference between that and real meat.
Heidi	Really? That's great, babe.
Cartman	So now I've been trying all kinds of vegan foods. You gotta try this. It's called Beyond KFC.
Heidi	Oh wow.
Cartman	It's all plant based, soy protein, and just- y-you gotta taste it. Just try it.
Heidi	[Heidi tries a breaded breast] It tasted just like KFC.
Cartman	I know, right?! Isn't that crazy?! [Cartman eats another breaded breast] Like, like seriously, how can you even tell that this was vegan? Try the, try the Beyond Mashed Potatoes and Gravy too. [hands her the mashed potatoes and gravy] They say you can even drink the Beyond Gravy by itself as like a protein boost. [eats some more of his breast while she eats the mashed potatoes and gravy] I don't know about you, but I could eat this every day.
Heidi	Yeah, it's really good.
Cartman	[evilly narrowing his eyes to slits] Delicious.
	South Park Elementary, day. The bell rings as students go to their lockers to switch out books. As Stan, Kenny, and Butters walk down the hallway. Kyle catches up to them. Token joins them as well.
Kyle	Guys, listen: I think I know why Heidi won't admit Cartman's a horrible boyfriend.
Stan	Dude, are you still on this?
Kyle	Yeah! It's important.
Butters	Maybe she's telling the truth, Kyle. Maybe Eric really does love and support her in ways that we don't see.
Cartman	[running up to them] You guys! You guys! Have you seen Heidi? [walks on past them]
Stan	No.
Cartman	Well uh, we've been trying some different foods lately and uh, [turns around] Heidi's put on some pounds, you guys.
Token	Heidi's getting fat?
Cartman	Yeah, Token. Don't start rippin' on me for havin' a fat girlfriend, alright? Just try and be cool about it. [smiles]
Heidi	[walks up behind him] Hey babe.
Cartman	Oh, hey hey hey, Heidi. What's goin' on? [a surprised look flashes on his face]
Heidi	I-ah, I'm not feeling the best again. [Cartman smiles again] I might see if my mom can come pick me up.
Cartman	Pick you up? That could be tough. [a shot at the boys, who just look blankly at him and Heidi. Kyle, though, is not amused]
Heidi	I, I know, but I just feel bloated. I think there might have been something bad in that Beyond Arby's.
Cartman	Yeah, well, cool, babe. Maybe you should uh, just waddle on down to the nurse's office. [the surprised look flashes on his face again, then disappears]
Heidi	Can you come with?
Cartman	Oh sure. [they turn around and walk away, but Cartman looks over his shoulder and points at Heidi's bloated figure]
Kyle	We have to help that girl. Can't you see what's happening?
Stan	Kyle, it's none of our business.
Kyle	You're wrong. In a way... I think we're all going out with Cartman right now.
	The Oval Office, day. The President is on the phone.
Garrison	Uh huh. Yeah, I understand that, f*****. And you should understand how my balls are gonna taste when your country starts needing money. I don't give two shits about a treaty. You're a Polish midget. [A knock is heard at the doors] Come in. [three advisers come in - Mike Pence, Paul Ryan, and Mitch McConnell - and Garrison gets back on the phone] Uh huh. Hang, uh hang on. I'm gonna call you back. Yeah, go fuck yourself, r*****. [hangs up]
Mitch McConnell	Mr. President, we have a problem. People are pretty upset.
Garrison	Hoh, don't tell me people are still made about that n***** thing.
Mike Pence	It's pronounced Niger, Mr. President. And it's a country in Africa.
Garrison	Oh, aren't we fancy. Okay, I don't want a bunch of [finger quotes] Nigers in Africa aiding terrorists.
Paul Ryan	Mr. President, you need to be a little more careful. There's an investigation. A worker with ties to Russia was found raped and executed.
Garrison	Raped and executed? Oh, you mean fucked to death? Oh yeah, that was me.
McConnell	Mr. President, people are starting to question your oath to the office.
Garrison	My oath to the office was that I would fuck everyone to death, remember?
Memberberries	Ooo, I 'member. Me too, I 'member. I 'member that.
Garrison	[to the berries] You guys be quiet, [to his advisers] and you guys just get out there and put a positive spin on this whole thing.
McConnell	How are we supposed to put a positive spin on it?
Ryan	It's getting pretty hard to keep defending you. Maybe it's time we put our foot down.
Garrison	Oooo. [whips out a remote control and presses a button on it, making the doors close and lock automatically. The advisers turn to see this] Hope you brought some condoms.
	The school gym, day. Most of the girls are in vollyball practice, but six of them are in the bleachers. The side gym doors open and Kyle walks in. The girls stop practice only when he gets onto the court. He holds his hands up. The girls are not happy to see him.
Kyle	Hello. I know things have been difficult between us lately. I know you think all boys are sort of pigs, but just know that a lot of us boys think girls are amazing and smart and beautiful. [dead air] Not, not like hot-beautiful, I mean like inside-beautiful. I, I'm not saying you're hot. You're not, you're not hot. I'm not saying you're ugly. It doesn't matter- you're all hot on the inside. If we could all just see inside you, it would be hot. [realizes he's out on a limb] Oh, shit.
Wendy	What do you want, Kyle?
Kyle	It's Heidi Turner. You guys shouldn't criticize her so much for going with Cartman.
Annie	Why not? Eric Cartman's a horrible person.
Kyle	I know! I, I know that, okay? Trust me, I hate Cartman as much as any of you, but just, give her some space, you know? You can't keep on saying "We told you so", because if you make her feel dumb, she just doubles down and tries to prove herself that it wasn't dumb.
Nichole	Why do you care? Do you like Heidi?
Kyle	No!
Molly	Oh my God, he so likes Heidi.
Lola	Obvi.
Kyle	No I don't! ... Do I?
	The school hallway, day. Kyle is sitting on some steps surprised at his fondness for Heidi showingn through.
Butters	[walks up to him] Hey, Kyle. Hey, I was thinkin' about what you said. How we should all help Heidi break up with Eric? You're right, it's our moral obligation.
Kyle	Yeah, no, we're not getting involved with that.
Butters	Oh, we're not?
Kyle	[stands up]Yeah, no, yeah, I uh dya, I think we need to stay out of it. [walks away]
Butters: Oh. Okay then.	台词
	Cartman's locker, moments later. Cartman is switching out books when Kyle walks up to him.
Kyle	Cartman, can we talk?
Cartman	Sure, Kyle. What's up? [brings out a harness and puts it on]
Kyle	I just, I hope that maybe you can realize what you have with Heidi and, and just try to be good to her, okay?
Cartman	Kyle, let me tell you something about relationships. There's always two sides, okay? You compromise, she compromises. Sometimes you criticize each other, but it's all part of trying to make each other better. [picks up a big bass drum and straps it onto the harness, then picks up some drumsticks] Someday, maybe you'll have a girlfriend and you'll understand. Oh, here she comes. [at the far end of the hallway, Heidi rounds the corner and walks towards them, and Cartman starts beating the drum] BOOM baba BOOM baba. Clear the hallway everyone, Heidi's comin' through.
Heidi	[walks up to Cartman] Wha, what are you doing, Eric?
Cartman	I was just practicing marching bass drum for my buddy Kyle. It's his favorite.
Heidi	Oh, okay. Um, are we still on for lunch?
Cartman	You betcha, can't wait.
Heidi	Okay, see ya. [walks away, vaguely upset]
Cartman	[resumes the drum beat] BOOM baba BOOM baba BOOM!
	Breaking news.
Anchor Bill Keegan	Some concern over the President's competency again today. It was during a Middle East peace conference when the President referred to the people of Saudi Arabia as a bunch of "dirty sand Nigers". Though the comments seem divisive, Speaker of the House, Paul Ryan, says he's sticking by his President 100%. [next shot is of Paul Ryan with a black eye stained with semen]
Reporter	Speaker Ryan, it's the anniversary of the President being elected. How do you think he's doing?
Ryan	Well whattaya mean? He's great. We're doing great. A lot of people judge him and just see the negative. People don't know how great the President can be behind closed doors. They don't get to see all his good qualities.
Reporter	Uh huh. And is that semen on your black eye?
Ryan	Oh. No, I-uh I tripped on a doorknob and uh that's just, that's doorknob cum.
	The school gym, day. Heidi is all alone there, sitting on the bottom bleacher lost in thought. Kyle sees her from one end of the court. He sighs quietly and walks up to her.
Kyle	You doin' okay, Heidi?
Heidi	I keep thinking Eric's going to change.
Kyle	[sits down next to her and sighs] Heidi, people like Cartman, they always make things someone else's fault. We all wrongly see ourselves as the victims sometimes, but Cartman sees himself as the victim all the time. He'll always find someone to blame for his shortcomings, and because of that, he's never gonna change.
Heidi	Before we started going out I was in a really bad place. I felt... pushed away by society. Then this guy came along who told me all the things I wanted to hear, and I just went with it. Does that make me a bad person? [Rihanna's "Unfaithful" begins to play]
Kyle	No, Heidi. Good people make bad decisions every day.
Heidi	I've been defending him for so long. I don't know how I'm gonna face people if I finally give up. [next scene is Heidi looking through her scrapbook at the memories she and Cartman created together. His discomfort begins to show in the fourth picture. She closes the book, and her location is shown - she's in bed. Next scene shows her at her locker putting books away when she notices someone looking at her. It's Kyle, looking at her from his locker. He then puts his books into his locker. Next scene shows Heidi and Cartman at the park bench, where she leaves him and he grabs onto her leg to delay her departure. Next scene has Kyle receiving a letter from Heidi. He reads it and smiles. Next scene has Garrison and Xi Jinping holding a news conference, and three bar patrons back at home turning away and crying. Next scene shows the Turners having dinner at a restaurant, in a booth by the window]
Cartman	[sobbing outside the window] Please Heidi! [he pounds on the window a few times before finally sliding down to the ground] Please! [her parents are stunned. Next scene shows Kyle and Heidi on the school swings, chatting away]
	Token's house, night. A light snow is falling when Cartman knocks on Token's door. Token answers and Cartman breaks out in tears.
Cartman	Hei-... Hei- Hei- Hei-, Hei- .... Hei- [Token slams the door on him. Seconds later the doorbell rings. Token goes back to answer it] Hei-, Hei-, Hei-
Token	[not happy] What do you want?
Cartman	Hei, Hei, Heidi broke up with me, Token.
Token	So?
Cartman	I have nothing now, Token. She was my whole world. Can, can I just stay here with you, please?
Token	What?! Why?! You still have a house!
Cartman	I know how you feel now, Token. To be pissed off at the world. To feel completely screwed over by society. I totally get it now. I wanna do what you guys do and go disrespect the flag and flip over cars and stuff. [Again, Token slams the door on him. Again the doorbell rings, and again Token goes to answer it] Token, pleeease! I'm sorry for everything! I really understand now how you guys feel! Please, what time is your family gonna go disrespect the flag and stuff? I wanna go with!
Token	Get outta here!
Linda	[appears behind Token] What's going on?
Token	[upset with Cartman] Nothing, Mom.
Cartman	Heidi broke up with meeeeee.
Linda	Token, he's freezing. [to Cartman] Come on in out of the snow.
Cartman	[entering] Thank youuuu.
Token	...NO!!
	The White house. Paul Ryan opens a door and looks both ways down the hallway and closes the door. He's got a folder with him as he joins two other men in the dark.
Ryan	Okay, we're safe to talk.
Pence	It's not safe! Nowhere is safe, don't you understand?! We're all about to get killed!
Ryan	Sshh, keep your voices down! Look at this!
Pence	What are all these numbers?
Ryan	The latest approval ratings. I've been researching our own independent poll. The President is tanking. These numbers are so low that we just might have an out. Well, don't you guys see what this means?
McConnell	I don't know anything, I'm just a turtle.
Ryan	It means that the swing voters are turning against him. It's those people that matter. Those are the ones who can finally turn this thing around!
McConnell	And then we don't have to get killed! We can't let the President know about this. just let him- [the door opens]
Garrison	[walks in] What are you guys talkin' about?
Pence	No, nothing, Mr. President.
Ryan	Nothing!
McConnell	No, nope!
Garrison	Just having' a little chat or somethin'?
Pence	[looks at the folder Pence is holding, takes it, and walks over to the President] It's an opinion poll, Mr. President. Your numbers are down and I wanted to show you so you could do something.
Ryan	Oh, you bitch! [to the President] I was the one who researched the poll, Mr. President!
Garrison	Let me see that. [takes the folder and leafs through it] Huh. Isn't that interesting? But it's not a problem. See, I know something about societal psychology that you three turd balls don't. Everything's gonna be fine.
	Token's house, night. Cartman is eating dinner with them, still sniffling.
Cartman	So... You guys about done with the soup?
Linda	Don't you like it, Eric?
Cartman	Well yeah, no, it's great. It's just- well, what time do you guys usually go out and disrespect the flag and stuff?
Steve	What?
Cartman	Oh no... Don't tell me you guys already disrespected the flag and flipped over cars today. Did I miss it?
Steve	What the hell are you talking about?!
Token	I told you not to let him in.
Cartman	Please, I don't know what to do with all this anger and hurt!
Linda	I'm sorry your girlfriend broke up with you, Eric, but... maybe you'll get back together.
Cartman	No, no, we've broken up before, but this time it's different. I can tell. Something's changed with her. Heidi won't even answer my phone calls.
Steve	Heidi? Turner? The Turners' daughter?
Cartman	Yeah...
Steve	I thought she was with that Kyle Broflovski kid.
Cartman	[sadness switches to anger in a flash] What?
Steve	I saw them at the park today holding hands.
Cartman	[dramatic music begins] Kyle? Kyle?! Kyle!! [a montage begins with five marching happy Kyles appearing] Kyle! Kyle! Kyle Kyle Kyle! [a big red heart appears and breaks, and a line of smiling Kyles marches out of it in shades of pink. Next scene is a Jewish dance performed by hasidim. Next scene is Cartman out on the street striking a match...] Kyle! [...and burning a giant flag on the ground with it.] Kyle! [the flames spread to fill up the screen. The next scene shows a cackling Kyle coming up out of the water like a giant sea monster as Eric and Heidi hold on to each other. Kyle holds a menorah reminiscent of a trident. Next scene is another group of hasidim dancing] Kyle! [next scene is Cartman and Heidi running away, only to be stopped by Kyle popping up before them like an exploding volcano, cackling. Cartman and Heidi turn and run away again, but the ground around them is compromised and Kyle's shadow covers them both as they look up at him. Next scene is back at the dining room at Token's mansion] Kyle...
Steve	Yeah, Kyle.
	South Park Elelentary, day. The school day begins as the last students walk in. Kyle walks down the hallway minding his own business when a scream makes him apprehensive.
Cartman	KYLE! [the other kids in the hallway clear the way as Cartman appears at the end of the hallway behind Kyle. Dramatic Western showdown music plays] I should have known. You lying snake!
Kyle	[turns around] Cartman, I didn't mean for things to happen the way they did.
Cartman	Did it bother you that I was happy?! Is that why you took her from me, Kyle?!
Kyle	Cartman, you weren't happy.
Cartman	Shut up, Kyle!
Kyle	All you did was bitch about her all the time.
Cartman	You're not gonna talk your way out of this one! This is the end, Kyle! It's you and me!
Kyle	Come on, Cartman. I-
Cartman	[slams Kyle into the lockers] You took everything from me!
Kyle	Stop it!
Cartman	All you've ever done is work to ruin my life! Well now I'm finally gonna fight back!
Butters	Fuck him up, Eric!
Cartman	[goes in for the attack] Aaah! [Kyle delivers a punch] Ugh! [Cartman goes down straight away] Fuck you, Kyle!
Kyle	I'm sorry, Cartman. You just have to accept that Heidi's moved on.
	Buca De Faggoncini, night. The girls have taken Heidi out for dinner.
Molly	Guys, I just wanna say, here's to Heidi. Welcome back to the land of the living.
The other girls	Yay Heidi!
Heidi	[giggles] Thanks, guys. Thanks for taking me out. This is really fun.
Red	No worries. We're just glad you finally came to your senses.
Annie	Yeah, no kidding. We seriously thought you might marry that piece of shit! [the girls laugh]
Heidi	[a bit sheepish] Well, you know, he- he actually had some good qualities too.
Red	Uhh, yeah, like what? Racism?
Bebe	Or the sociopath part?
Courtney	Yeah. I mean, no offense, Heidi, but what the fuck were you thinking?
Lola	Guys, she admitted she made a mistake.
Molly	You make a mistake on your homework. What Heidi did was more like a momentary loss of all sanity. [the girls laugh]
Heidi	[feeling pushed away again] It was just what I believed in.
Bebe	Don't worry, Heidi. We're not gonna keep telling you we told you so.
Lola	But we told you so. [the girls laugh]
Bebe	The only thing I wanna know is... how did you bring yourself to actually KISS him?
The girls	Eewwww!
Red	Can you imagine? Eric Cartman's breath on your mouth?
The girls	Ew, ugh! [this is depressing Heidi as sad music begins to play]
Courtney	[imitating Cartman] Heidi, come here. I want to kiss you with my tongue!
The girls	Ew, ugh! [they laugh as Heidi wilts]
	The park, day. Cartman sits at the park bench alone. Heidi walks up to him.
Heidi	Hi Eric.
Cartman	What are you doing here?
Heidi	I don't know. I think I- I just wanna make sure... you're doing okay. I want you to know I'll always care about you.
Cartman	[sniffles] That's good to know, 'cause like, nothing helps more when you're down than knowing that your girlfriend who broke up with you might care.
Heidi	[sits next to him] I'm sorry that I've hurt you. I think maybe I am just stupid and I don't know what I want and it ends up hurting people.
Cartman	No... You need to know something, Heidi. None of this is your fault.
Heidi	But I'm the one who-
Cartman	No. Heidi, none of this is your fault. There's stuff I never told you. It's time... It's time I did.
	Kyle's house, night. He's in the bathroom getting ready for a date with Heidi. He styles his hair and puts hair gel on it. The doorbell rings, and he goes to answer it, putting on his hat on his way there. He opens his door and finds Heidi facing away from him.
Heidi	Hey.
Kyle	Hey! You all set to go?
Heidi	[walks in] I wanted to talk to you first.
Kyle	Okay, sure.
Heidi	Kyle, I've been under a lot of stress lately, and it was all making me really confused.
Kyle	Yeah, that's understandable.
Heidi	[turns and holds his hands] I was being manipulated, and I didn't even see it. I never do. And, I don't think you saw it either, Kyle.
Kyle	What do you mean?
Heidi	I've come to realize that it's not my fault. It's your fault, Kyle. You made all this happen. Made me question who I was.
Kyle	But Heidi, I thought-
Heidi	[puts her index finger on his lips] Shh. [walks away] But it's okay. You can't help it. It's how you were raised, what you were taught. My heritage is Irish, so I'm prone to being moody. And your heritage... well, you know... you can be a little sneaky sometimes and not even realize it. [turns left to walk out the door] I'm sorry, Kyle, but everybody's trying to live life the best they can. It's hard enough without your people always trying to get ahead. [walks out and closes the door]
Kyle	Dude... did she just call me a dirty Jew? [he walks to the window to see her walk away, and sees Cartman waiting for her. Cartman sees him at the window. Heidi meets Cartman and they walk away together, with Cartman looking over his shoulder at Kyle with a smug look on his face]
	The Oval Office, evening. Pence, Ryan, and McConnell carry an anniversary cake over to the President. They're still wearing blankets, which could mean the White House isn't wasting money on heating.
Pence, Ryan, McConnell	Happy anniversary to you.
McConnell	Cha cha cha.
Pence, Ryan, McConnell	Happy anniversary to you.
McConnell	Cha cha cha.
Pence, Ryan, McConnell	Happy anniversary, Mr. President. Happy anniversary to you. [they put the cake on the desk, and the President blows out the candles]
Ryan	Congratulations, Mr. President.
McConnell	Looks like many more years of the same are to come.
Garrison	Oh, I don't think so. [walks out from behind the desk with a giant dildo strapped to his genitals.] I think the next three years are gonna be even better. [begins to laugh. Pence, Ryan, and McConnell laugh in response, but soon begin to cry, as they know what that dildo means]
变本加厉 结束