出场角色[]
- Eric Cartman
- Stan Marsh
- Kyle Broflovski
- Butters Stotch
- Tolkien Black
- Penney S. Azcarate
- Bill Keegan
- Liane Cartman
- Randy Marsh
- Harrison Yates
- Stephen Stotch
- Pi-Pi
- Matt Damon
- Gwyneth Paltrow
- Pi-Pi's Security Guards
- Pi-Pi's Lifeguards
- ManBearPig
- Larry David
- Steve Black
- Chuck Chuck
- PigBearGirl
- Sharon Marsh
- Peter Nelson
- Naomi Osaka
- Linda Black
- Reese Witherspoon
- Shelley Marsh
剧本[]
| 南方公园：流量大战2 | |
| The MTV logo plays before revealing Stan sitting in a courtroom. | |
| Please state your name for the record. | |
| Stan Marsh. | |
| And, uh, Mr. Marsh, you were involved in the streaming wars, is that correct? | |
| We made stuff for streaming services, yes. | |
| And how do you know the defendant in this case? [he motions towards Liane] | |
| She's the mother of my f– acquaintance. | |
| When you made your deals for streaming services, you sort of leveraged them against each other, didn't you? | |
| That is correct. | |
| And now the streaming bubble has burst and your own father is in hiding, isn't that correct? | |
| My dad is missing, that is correct. | |
| What exactly was your job in making these little popsicle stick boats for streaming services? | |
| Um, my job was to eat the popsicles. | |
| And the people who paid you didn't care what you made? | |
| Well, if you look at it, only about a fourth of what's on most streaming services is really worth a shit, so– Oh, sorry. | |
| Do you know what an exclusive deal is? | |
| [annoyed] Yes, I know what an exclusive deal is. | |
| So, if you make an exclusive deal with a streaming service, you can't make an exclusive deal with another streaming service, can you? | |
| It's not our fault the streaming wars happened! | |
| So, then why not just give back the money? | |
| We can't! | |
| Why not?! | |
| 'Cause the money is all in Cartman's fucking tits! [the gallery gasps as the camera zooms in on Cartman] | |
| [addressing his mother] Ms. Cartman, you and your son live in a hot dog, is that correct? | |
| Yes, Eric, you know that's correct. | |
| And your son wanted you to get fake tits so that the rich guy across the street would let you live with him, but you refused, is that right? | |
| That's right. | |
| So when I said, "If you don't get fake tits I will," you just told me to go ahead. | |
| Yes, because I'm sick of you doing extreme things to get your way. | |
| So you refused even though tons of women get fake breasts all the time. Your honor, I'd like to introduce Exhibit D– tons of women with fake tits. [camera cuts to a group of women with breast implants] | |
| Outside the court, daytime. A news reporter is on camera documenting the court case. | |
| Tom, I'm standing outside the courthouse where the judge had just thrown out the Cartman v. Cartman case. The judge said, quote, "You're all a bunch of shitheads. Get out of my courtroom." Just proof once again, Tom, that streaming services have made everything suck. | |
| Sad music plays over a depiction of the town during the drought. A sign can be seen reading "WARNING: SEVERE DROUGHT". Liane is driving with Cartman in the passenger seat. | |
| 'Kay, Mom, well, I hope you learned your lesson. So, maybe now, will you get fake tits so I can get these stupid things out? | |
| No, Eric! No! | |
| Can I get a Frosty? [no response] | |
| The camera zooms out, revealing a title card in the same vein as the previous special. It then zooms back in on a scene at the park, where Randy Marsh is laying on a park bench. | |
| Oh, shit, it's Karen! | |
| What? [people start to murmur around him] | |
| Come on. Go, kids, go. | |
| What… what happened? | |
| Wow, it's the real thing. | |
| We gotta go! | |
| [police pull up] There! You see? Karen is right there! | |
| Okay, okay, everyone back– just stay back! [he holds up a megaphone] All right, Karen. We don't want any trouble. | |
| Huh? | |
| It doesn't have to be like this, Karen. Let us get you some help. | |
| Can– can someone please tell me what's going on? Is there, like, a manager I can speak to somewh… [he is interrupted by a tranquilizer dart being shot into his neck] | |
| Karen's clear! | |
| Move in! | |
| Randy Marsh wakes up in a hospital. He is handcuffed to the bed. | |
| Just relax. I need to know what you remember, Karen. | |
| I started a streaming service… to compete with the weed farm across the street. And some guy died. | |
| That's right. Do you know where the owner of Credigree Weed is now? | |
| No. | |
| The streaming wars got out of hand. Your rival here somehow got ManBearPig to work for him and murder the competition. You… went down to the Colorado State Water Commission's office. You asked to speak with the manager. And then you went full nuclear Karen. | |
| Full nuclear Karen? | |
| [he turns on a projector, showing a video] You went ballistic on everybody. | |
| [on video] Call the cops, goddamn it, if you don't like me over here. Fucking call 'em! | |
| Okay. Karen. | |
| Motherfucker! [video cuts to a grocery store] Go back to Mexico! | |
| Listen. I said– I said excuse me. | |
| Go. Go back wherever you're from! | |
| You traveled all over the state and demanded to see everyone's managers. | |
| Oh, God… | |
| Outside the State office in Denver, you caused a 20-car pileup. Five people were severely injured. And then you attacked the airport. And then the same thing happened in Madrid. In Bangladesh… And in the mountains of Tibet. And I'm sorry Karen, but… I'm afraid all of this has become the most watched videos on YouTube. | |
| No. | |
| Tegridy Farms. The fields of marijuana plants have dried and shriveled up. Yates pulls up in the driveway and drops Randy off. Sharon lets him inside but refuses to look at him. The scene then cuts to Cartman's hot dog stand house. Cartman stares at the windows at the abandoned house across the street, spotting Tolkien looking around. He goes outside to confront him. | |
| Tolkien… What are you doing here? | |
| I'm looking for something, all right? | |
| Looking for what? | |
| Anything. I don't know! People are saying that my dad caused all this. That he's hiding because he knows he's guilty. I know that's not true. | |
| What does that have to do with the rich guy who lived here moving away? | |
| The guy who lived here didn't move away. He was killed. | |
| What? | |
| I know that my dad wouldn't just run and hide! What if he needs me right now? | |
| Tolkien, I wanted the guy who lived here to be my dad. Who would have killed him? [he looks over to the hot dog stand and spots Liane] | |
| Butters' house. They sit at the table, his parents glaring at him. | |
| Okay, I'm done. | |
| Okay, then put your plate in the sink and march right on upstairs! Maybe the next time you decide to pit streaming services against each other and cause a drought, you'll think twice. [he follows Butters upstairs to his room] I want no playing, no reading, and no thinking about fun stuff. You are being grounded. [he shuts the bedroom door] | |
| It's not my fault streaming services paid people more than was sustainable for any business model. | |
| Butters. [butters is startled] Shh! Butters, stop. | |
| Eric! You can't be in here, I'm grounded. | |
| We've been set up, Butters. | |
| What? | |
| The whole streaming wars! The whole thing was a lie! | |
| Eric, is that a real gun? | |
| Fuck yes, it's a real gun. Butters, listen to me. Someone bought up all the water and murdered anyone who got in their way. | |
| No… | |
| Yes, Butters. Someone worked with the Colorado water commissioner and cheated the system. The same person who is now using climate change to make a profit! | |
| Who? | |
| It didn't make sense to me. Why my mom was being so stubborn. Why wouldn't she do what I asked. But then I saw Tolkien across the street and I figured it out… Tolkien is fucking my mom. | |
| Tolkien!? | |
| I wanted my mom to get fake tits so she could marry the rich guy across the street. Now that guy is dead and my mom is acting strange. The only explanation is that she's fucking Tolkien and they don't want me to know! | |
| But, Eric, Tolkien was making those boats with us, he… | |
| Butters, Butters. My eyes are up here. Stop staring at my tits. | |
| Oh, sorry. | |
| There's a bad guy out there getting away with murder, Butters. And we have to catch him. | |
| The state office, daytime. Pi-Pi is giving a presentation. | |
| Good people of Denver. We are living through a horrible time. This drought, it affect everybody. It affect me. My waterpark. But I have a plan to not only reopen my waterpark, but also help all of Colorado with their water supply problem. So, if you don't mind, I'd like to show you my deck. [the state officials groan] This is a business proposal deck for the Pipi streaming service! [the officials are relieved] In just a few days I will reopen my waterpark, which will now run on 100% pee! And then we can collect half of the pee every day and send it out to the people of Denver and all over Colorado for their daily use. | |
| I'm sorry, Mr. Pi-Pi, but I really don't think we'll be able to get people to invest in your streaming service. | |
| No, no, no, it's okay! Because I got the biggest celebrities who made a commerci for crypto to make commerci for me! | |
| A commercial. Matt Damon is standing in the middle of a dried up wasteland. | |
| We are living in a severe drought. There simply isn't a choice anymore. We have to find alternate sources for water. Hi, I'm Matt Damon. You've heard me talk about the wonders of cryptocurrency, and now there's a company who can give us that new source. Pi-Pi water. Pee can be used for almost anything. We can water our lawns with it. We can also use urine for our shower water. Fortune favors the brave. And a brave person knows that pasta cooked in pee water tastes just fine. [he tries to take a bite, gagging.] Okay, hold on. Fortune favors the brave. [he eats it] Did you know frozen pee can make for a delicious summer treat? [he once again struggles to eat it] Fortune favors the brave. [cut to a fast food restaurant] And pee water actually pairs really well with an Impossible Burger. | |
| Matt Damon is in! Are u-rine? | |
| Go pee! With Pi-Pi+! | |
| Randy's bedroom. Stan enters. | |
| Dad? [he walks up to Randy who is watching the Matt Damon commercial sadly] You okay? | |
| What have I become, Stan? How did I just sit by and let the world sink to this? [he looks down at his phone, where a video of Matt Damon struggling to brush his teeth with pee water is playing] I used to be a scientist. Do you remember that? I was the one who warned the town about a volcano. I warned them about the day after tomorrow. And then… It all became about weed. When did that happen, Stan? | |
| I guess we all just got greedy, Dad. | |
| I wanted to be a scientist because scientists solve problems. Do you even know what kind of a geologist I was, Stan? | |
| No. | |
| I was a "fluvial geomorphologist". Someone who studies the changes in streams and rivers. And when the town needed me most… I was just out bitching because all I cared about was getting high and rich. I can't even remember the old me. | |
| Music starts playing as Randy sings a song over a montage of him getting back to his old self. | |
| |
| Outside of Tolkien's house. Butters and Cartman spy on him with binoculars. | |
| Alright, I've got eyes on him. Looks like he's in the basement bathroom. | |
| I didn't even know Tolkien had a basement bathroom. | |
| Yeah, neither did I. Sneaky bastard. Seems like he's looking for something. Oh, nope, he's turning back around. He's pulling down his pants. Oh, I think he's gonna take a shit. Mark down, "8:35, started taking shit." [pause] | |
| [spots Cartman and Butters] What the fuck are you doing? | |
| Oh, shit. Go, go, go. [him and Butters run off] | |
| [he goes out back] Hello?! Where are– Eric, I can see you! | |
| [he is hiding behind a tree, fake breasts sticking out] There's no way he can see us. Just stay still. | |
| I see you behind the fucking tree! | |
| Don't come another step closer or I shoot Butters! | |
| What?! | |
| Let's go. Move. Move! [he and Butters step forward] Do you wanna tell me what's going on, Tolkien? | |
| I have no idea! | |
| Sure! We're all supposed to believe that streaming services were all our fault. I remember that day at school, Tolkien. You were the one who said I should build the boats. | |
| Because I felt bad for you! | |
| You felt bad for me? Or maybe is it that you wanted the drought to– Butters, will you please stop staring at my tits. | |
| I'm sorry. | |
| We've been doing research, Tolkien. Somebody manipulated the system. All the water rights, water laws, there's a big chain of corruption and the whole thing stinks like your wiener after fucking my mom. | |
| Eric, I swear I have no clue what you're talking about. | |
| Then read it. [he tosses Tolkien a document] Read about how none of the streaming services had a chance of lasting but paid out thousands of dollars anyway. Read about how the water commissioner of Colorado knew about it the entire time! | |
| Eric, where did you get this? | |
| Tolkien, my eyes are up here, please stop staring at my titties. | |
| I am staring you dead in the eye. Where did you get this? | |
| Another Pi-Pi+ commercial plays featuring Gwyneth Paltrow. | |
| Hi, I'm Gwyneth Paltrow. I got women everywhere excited about investing in crypto. And now there's something even better to invest in. [pee sprays into frame from her left] Uh… uh… um… Fortune favors the brave. Fortune favors the brave. [she takes a sip, gagging] | |
| Gwyneth Paltrow is in! Are u-rine? | |
| Go pee! With Pi-Pi+ | |
| The state office, daytime. An official is giving a speech. | |
| My fellow Coloradans, today we will try to put an end to the drought that has crippled our state. It is my pleasure to announce that the city of Denver will be investing heavily in the Pi-Pi streaming service. And we encourage you all to "go pee". [the crowd gives a small, unenthusiastic applause] | |
| Oh, thank you! Thank you, Denver! It is a my honor to give you all of the pee that I can. And so, as of today, we are all going to live in… | |
| [distant] Wait! Hold on! [he runs down] Excuse me! Please, I have to get to the front! I'm sorry. I'm sorry, everyone, please. Please, I have an announcement. Everyone, my name is Dr. Randy Marsh, and I am… a scientist! [feedback from the microphone screeches] The damage that has been done to our fresh water due to the streaming wars is irreversible, yes. But I believe I have a plan. And if you don't mind, I'd like to show my deck to each and every one of you. | |
| Whip it out, bro! | |
| [he shows a proposal deck] The answer… is an ocean water desalinization plant. When all of you hear about droughts in our country, don't you ever think, "Wait, the Earth is 75% water. What the fuck, how can we not have enough water, right?" The only thing stopping us from not being able to use seawater for our daily use is the salt. I have a plan to pipe the water from the oceans up to the Continental Divide. From there, we separate the salt from the water, giving our entire country enough clean water forever. And we ship the salt off to Arby's and KFC where it belongs. [the crowd cheers] | |
| Dr. Marsh, you have all the funding you need. Randy Marsh has the better deck! [the audience cheers louder, and Pi-Pi glares at Randy] | |
| Pi Pi's Urineworld. Pi-Pi is holding an employee meeting. | |
| Ever since I can remember, I've wanted two things. My own waterpark and to only have to pay for one streaming service. And what I didn't know was that my own employees would try to fuck me! And fucking ruin my life! Who the fuck is this guy talking about a desalinization plant?! How did we miss him?! | |
| He's just some scientist, h-he came out of nowhere. | |
| I asked you to take care of anybody who might get in my way! | |
| I just wanna be a lifeguard. | |
| "I just wanna be a lifeguard." You just wanna fuck Pi-Pi! You're all a bunch of stinky poopy babies! All of you! You little pussy bitches! [ManBearPig roars at him] Oh, you don't like that, huh? I told you, I told you kill anyone in the mountains who could be a problem! You a little ManBear-bitch, that's what you are! [ManBearPig screeches at Pi-Pi] You wanna fuck with Pi-Pi, huh? Don't forget what I have on you. Sit down, ManBear-bitchy! [ManBearPig sits back down] I want that desalinization plant gone, and I want the scientist dead! There can be only one streaming service. And it's going to be Pi-Pi+! | |
| Park County Police Station. Harrison Yates pours himself a drink in his office. | |
| [thinking] It was 8:15 on a Thursday night. The people were all excited about the possibility of a new desalinization plant. But I had a lingering uneasiness in my gut. Anf then, just like that, in walked the nicest pair of knockers I'd ever seen in my life. [Cartman and Butters walk in] | |
| Detective, we need to talk to you. | |
| Aw, fuck, not you again. Get out of here, kid, I'm not going to arrest your mom. | |
| You might think differently when you hear what we have to say. Go ahead, Tolkien. | |
| Sir, we think the person who killed Robert Cussler actually had a bigger plan; to make the drought happen. | |
| Your father killed Robert Cussler. And what makes you think he had a bigger plan? Wait a minute. Did he tell you his business plan? Did he show you his deck? | |
| No. | |
| My uncle Larry showed me his dick once. | |
| My dad isn't capable of killing anyone. | |
| Well, I'm sure that's true. And that's why your dad had ManBearPig do it for him. You see, your dad used ManBearPig to get rid of the competition in the streaming wars. | |
| Butters, please. [Butters stops looking at Cartman's chest] | |
| And ManBearPig will just go right on doing whatever Tolkien's father says because he's afraid. | |
| ManBearPig is afraid? Of what? | |
| Afraid for the safety… of its wife and child. Not many people know about PigBearGirl and Chuck Chuck, but your father must have threatened ManBearPig that he would tell people they exist. And if everyone knew that climate change had a child, they'd go after it. | |
| Okay, whatever, but you have no proof that it was my dad who did anything. | |
| Don't I? I happen to know for a fact that while the rest of the state is suffering, your dad has been out living it up. [he hands Cartman a file] Surveillance camera caught him enjoying his time at a waterpark. [a picture of Steve Black bleeding on a water slide is revealed] | |
| The waterpark. | |
| Another Pi-Pi+ commercial plays. Larry David is speaking. | |
| Hello, I'm Larry David. When I made my Superbowl commercial for crypto, I didn't even really know what it was! But thanks to the money I made, I now can enjoy my favorite beverage every day! [urine sprays into his mouth] | |
| Larry David is in! Are ur-ine? | |
| Go pee! With Pi-Pi+! | |
| Steve Black awakens in a cave. He gasps loudly, discovering that his wounds have been treated. | |
| Hello? Where the fuck am I? [he climbs a pile of rocks, discovering a waterfall of urine] Hello?! | |
| [off-screen] Well, I don't know, but it needs to be a-fixed, okay? Maybe we have some kind of an intruder, huh, that's doing the sabotage, you know! | |
| We looked everywhere, sir. We didn't find anything. | |
| Well, look harder, you stupid fuck! Something going on down here! | |
| [he hears snarling and squealing from behind him, he turns around] Who are you? Did you bandage me up? | |
| Chuck Chuck! | |
| Come on! Something's happened to the outtake valves again! | |
| Shhh. | |
| U.S. Geological Survey. Construction is taking place. | |
| Okay, that's great, guys. Keep the pipe on the downward slope. | |
| How's it all going? [she hands Randy coffee] | |
| Oh, thanks, honey. It's good. Fast. I think we can have this thing up and running for tests in a week. | |
| That's amazing. | |
| You're not so bad yourself, babe. [she smiles and starts to walk off] Oh, and hey, Sharon? [she turns] Sorry about the whole "weed thing." | |
| It's okay, Randy. | |
| All right, Nelson, I've updated the engineering. I've accounted for the elevation but I still can't figure out the pipeline. The problem is actually getting enough pressure to get the saltwater up here to the plant. | |
| It almost seems impossible. I don't know how you get saltwater up here without a tremendous amount of energy. | |
| Yeah, well, let's just keep working. There has to be an answer. Science always has an answer. | |
| Randy, it's good to have you back at the U.S. Geological Survey. | |
| Thanks, Nelson. Oh, and hey, Nelson? Sorry about the whole "weed thing." | |
| That's okay, Randy. | |
| A Pi-Pi+ commercial plays, with Naomi Osaka featured on it. | |
| Hi, my name is Naomi Osaka. And I enjoy crypto just like I enjoy fresh piss on my organic greens. [a man brings her a salad, pissing on it first] Fortune favors the brave. Fortune favors the brave. | |
| Fortune favors the brave. | |
| Fortune favors the brave. [she chokes down a bite] | |
| Naomi Osaka is in! Are ur-ine? | |
| Go pee! With Pi-Pi+! | |
| Pi Pi's Urineworld. Music plays over a montage of families unenthusiastically playing in the park. | |
| [over P.A.] Welcome to Pi-Pi's Waterpark! Where the thrills and fun are all 100% urine. We hope you have a magical day and if you need to use the restroom, just let it go in one of our many pools. Your pee will be collected and harvested for Denver's water supply. Go pee, Colorado. | |
| Boy oh boy, what a great day for a swim! Can't wait to hit that fresh pool! [he pulls out a walkie-talkie] Blackhawk, this is Browneye. I am in position. | |
| Copy, Butters, Did you see the slide we're looking for? | |
| That's a negative, Blackhawk. Got nothin' here. | |
| What about over by the funnel cakes, Eric? | |
| I don't see the slide that matches the one in the picture, Tolkien. I'm afraid this could be a dead end, guys. [pause] Wait. Oh, my God. | |
| There's a guy here who's just totally staring at my tits. Hey, do you mind, sir? My eyes are up here. | |
| Eric, we're trying not to draw attention to oursel… | |
| Stop looking at my tits! Yes you are! | |
| Eric, do you– | |
| These people are all staring at my fucking tits! They're such perverts! | |
| Little boy, we're just a bit shocked to see that. | |
| Yeah, 'cause you're in the itty bitty titty committee, bitch! | |
| Just focus on the fucking plan, Eric! | |
| Hey, fellas, I think I got it! I found the slide where the photo was taken! And there's some kind of bunker entrance right next to it. | |
| Credigree Farms. Yates arrives and knocks on the door. | |
| Hello, ma'am. I'm sorry but I need to speak with you about your husband. | |
| Is he dead? | |
| Not yet. But he will be as soon as I can find him. Can I come in? [scene cuts to the living room] Your husband is a very dangerous man. We now believe that he caused the whole drought to happen. Do you mind? [he gestures to his cigarette] | |
| Yes. | |
| Great. Now, obviously, your husband had some kind of bigger business plan. He might have it all explained somewhere. Does your husband have a deck? | |
| Of course my husband has a dick. | |
| Well, I'd like to see it, if that's okay with you. | |
| How am I supposed to show you when I don't even know where he is? | |
| All right. If you want to be difficult, ma'am, that's fine. But you know where your husband is and so does your little boy. I'm sure that you've both seen his deck and I'm sure it's pretty massive. | |
| Detective, my husband is a good man. | |
| Well I'm sure he was at one point. But then he started a streaming service and became the monster that he is today. | |
| Okay, well, I think you should leave now. | |
| All right, fine. But just so you know, when I find your husband– and I will find him– I'm gonna shoot him. And then I'll check out his deck later. | |
| The urine waterfall. Music is playing in the background as Cartman, Tolkien, and Butters make their way down. | |
| This must be where all the pee is collected for Pi-Pi's streaming service. | |
| Sure is a lot of pee! | |
| This place is massive. They had to have been working on this place for years! | |
| Yeah, looks like someone has been planning on fucking my mom for a long time! | |
| Everyone spread out and see what you can find. | |
| [looking around with his phone's flashlight] What exactly are we looking for? | |
| Documents, contracts, condoms, whatever you can find. | |
| Get a picture of anything unusual. People would be very interested to see how far along this all is. | |
| Hey, there's some little brown chocolates on the floor. [he follows a trail of the "chocolates" leading to a counter, discovering Chuck Chuck] | |
| Chunk! [he jumps on Butters' head] | |
| Woah! [Chuck Chuck runs around the cave, knocking things over] It's okay. It's okay. We're not gonna hurt you. | |
| [quietly] Chuck Chuck? | |
| The fuck is that? | |
| What are you doing down here? Are you lost? | |
| Chuck Chuck. | |
| You guys, seriously, the fuck is that? | |
| It's like a little bear pig… | |
| They don't know you're down here, do they? | |
| Chuck Chuck. | |
| Hey, stop right there! [Chuck Chuck runs off as the guards lock the boys in] | |
| Yeah, we did it! We did it! | |
| Tell the boss we caught 'em! We finally caught the little buggers that've been messing with the equipment down here. | |
| Another Pi-Pi+ commercial featuring Reese Witherspoon plays. | |
| I'm Reese Witherspoon. I think crypto is a great idea, but there's one investment that's even smarter. That's why when my family is enjoying festive party games, we do it in pee. [she crouches over a tub filled with apples and pee before dunking her head in]] | |
| Reese Witherspoon is in! Are ur-ine? | |
| Go pee! With Pi-Pi+! | |
| Randy's office. He is working on his blueprint when Sharon walks in. | |
| Oh, hey, honey. | |
| Any luck? | |
| No. The plant is almost ready to go and I still can't figure out how to get the saltwater to it. The elevations are just too extreme. Hey, what are the kids doing? | |
| Mm, they're just in their rooms, hanging out. | |
| Yeah? | |
| Yeah. | |
| How about we round them up and go take a nice walk or something. | |
| You sure? | |
| Yeah, I need a break and they need a dad. Come on. [his phone rings] Oh, hang on a second, it's Nelson. Hey, Nelson! How's it going up there? | |
| Randy! Randy! The plant! It's all wrecked! | |
| What are you talking about? | |
| It was climate change, Randy! It ripped apart the watershed and took a huge shit in the conversion tanks! | |
| No. | |
| It just started tearing through people. But, Randy, it seemed like it was looking for something. I'm scared it might have been looking for you. [he hangs up and Randy storms out of the room] | |
| Randy, what's going on? [he grabs a baseball bat] | |
| What's going on, Dad? | |
| Take the kids to the basement and lock the door. | |
| Randy, what are we… | |
| Just do it, baby, please! [he leaves through the back door, wandering around the yard nervously] | |
| Randy, I'm not gonna hurt you. | |
| [he turns around, startled] What the fuck are you doing here?! | |
| I need your help, Randy. I can't go to the police. | |
| Yeah, no shit, 'cause you're a murderer! | |
| I didn't kill anyone! Look, I know we've had our differences. But I need you to trust me right now. | |
| I don't care about Credigree Weed anymore. I just want to fix the drought. | |
| You're not going to fix it because Pi-Pi controls everything! | |
| Pi-Pi? | |
| He used the water commissioner to get us to start our streaming war against each other. | |
| No. [he lowers the bat] | |
| He used us, Randy. Pi-Pi tried to have me killed but some little beaver thing saved me. Please. My wife said Tolkien and his friends went to look for me at the waterpark. Credigree and Tegridy have to work together. | |
| Tegridy took over my life and completely ruined my character. Don't you get it? We aren't the ones who are ever gonna help anything. We're the ones who make everything worse. [he sadly walks back inside, dropping the bat] | |
| The underground urine waterfall. Cartman is trying to file their way out. | |
| [grunting] It's no use, we can't hack through the bars. | |
| [quietly] Hey. Hey there. [Chuck Chuck pops his head out from behind a rock] | |
| [whispering] Chuck Chuck. | |
| Hey. Are you down here looking for your dad? I'm looking for my dad, too. | |
| Oh, God, that's so cheesy. | |
| [he turns and glares at Cartman] You don't have to be afraid of people. I can tell you why. | |
| Chuck Chuck. | |
| Yes. Good, Tolkien, I think you're starting to reason with it. [a door opens, scaring Chuck Chuck away] | |
| [walking in] So! You're the little "sabotagis" that's been messing with my stuff, huh? | |
| Uh, no, we actually just got here recently, sir. | |
| Where is my dad? | |
| Your dad? [snaps fingers] Oh… You the boys that make-a the little boats-a. No? Oh, you help Pi-Pi so much! You probably made a lot of money, huh? | |
| We didn't know what we were doing. | |
| Yeah, well, who does, huh? That's doing business in America. You just get in, fuck everything up, pay people money you don't have, and try to get a big market evaluation, yes? | |
| So you sped up climate change and then you fucked my mom, is that it? | |
| Scusi? | |
| No, see, what he did was he paid people too much money while actually devaluing the artists, creating a streaming business that was driving content instead of content driving the business. So now he's got a huge company but all he's delivering is piss. | |
| And now I'm about to have the only streaming service in the world. You see, I have all the celebrities here. Everybody to be in one big final commerci together! And when that commerci goes out, everybody gonna want to invest in Pi-Pi. And you boys, well… I'm afraid you might meet up with a little accidente, eh? The pee-pee gonna come down and it gonna wash you boys away down a drain-ee. Come on! We gotta make-a the commerci! [he walks off] | |
| Tegridy Farms. Randy is sitting in the kitchen sadly. | |
| I'm sorry, guys. I got played. | |
| We all got played, Dad. The whole state. | |
| I really thought I could make a difference this time. | |
| Well, you can't, Randy. But there is someone who can. Somebody who can go down to that waterpark and demand to be heard. | |
| We need Karen back, Dad. | |
| What? No. No! | |
| You have to, Dad. Karen is the only one that can get past security and insist to see the management. | |
| Karen is gone. Okay? I'm never going back. | |
| Then Pi-Pi does win. And we all go without fresh water for the rest of our lives. Come on, Karen, please. My friends are down there. | |
| It doesn't work like that. I didn't just become Karen overnight. First I smoked weed. Then I smoked too much weed. Then I started a weed farm and then I got entitled and did everything I could to protect it! [he stares out the window] But the weed is all gone now. | |
| Not all of it. [she goes into the cupboard and pulls out a jar containing weed] | |
| The Thanksgiving Day Special? You saved this? I-I made this, like, three years ago. | |
| Yeah. I think it's the best special you ever made. | |
| If I smoke this… I won't remember any of you. It will be like none of the past few days ever happened. | |
| We have to have water, Karen. | |
| Randy takes the jar of weed out to the barn. Taking his shirt off, he rolls a joint and smokes it. Afterwards, he summons a magic portal that is completely invisible to the rest of his family. | |
| What the hell is he doing? | |
| He looks ridiculous. | |
| Just– just let him do it, kids. | |
| Randy bursts out of the barn, now dressed as Karen. | |
| Someone's been fucking with my Tegridy! [the rest of the family cheers] | |
| Pi Pi's Urinetown. Pi-Pi sits down in a director's chair, getting ready to shoot the final commercial. | |
| Thank you! Thank you, everyone, for coming to be a part of filming my new commerci. This is gonna be the best commerci we ever make-a! [everyone claps unenthusiastically] Okay, now everyone look like you're having fun! Background action! And action, Matt Damon-a! | |
| Hi. I'm Matt Damon. Me and all my Hollywood friends have a little secret to share. | |
| We love being in pee. Are you in? | |
| Okay, that's good, that's good. Now you all play in the pee a little bit. [they hesitantly splash around] You laughing, you having fun. You splash-a the pee on each other. Good, good. You love the pee. Now maybe, Matt Damon, you splash pee on Reesie Witherspoon. And then Reesie, the pee- the pee make you so happy that– that you cry. | |
| I cry? | |
| Yes, Reesie, you so happy in the pee, it make you cry. And when you cry… you cry the pee. | |
| I can't cry pee. | |
| Oh, come on, Reesie. You slut yourself out for crypto, now just be a slut for Pi-Pi. Go on, cry, Reesie. You're all a bunch of sellouts. Cry for the commerci. Come on, cry. [they all start crying] | |
| Pi Pi's Urineworld, the front gate. | |
| I'm sorry, folks, the waterpark is closed for a commercial shoot. We'll let you know as soon as we get things back open again. [a car comes speeding through the parking lot] | |
| It's Karen! | |
| I want in your waterpark right now! | |
| The park's closed, they're filming a commercial. | |
| I wanna speak to your… manager! [he shouts, knocking several people back and allowing him to walk in] | |
| The commercial shoot. | |
| Good. Good. And now, Larry David, you come up with the pee in your mouth. And then you just, you just spit the pee on Gwyneth Paltrow. [Gwyneth vomits in the pool while Randy makes his way over to Pi-Pi] | |
| There you are! What's going on? You wanna tell me what the fuck is going on?! | |
| Scusi, who let you in? | |
| I let myself in because it's a free country and I'll stand where I fucking want! | |
| Get him out of here! [the security guards grab his arms] | |
| Don't you fucking touch me! Don't any of you fucking touch me! | |
| Okay, we obviously have a bit of a Karen here, let's, uh… | |
| You can call me Karen all you fucking want! Motherfucker! Why don't you tell everyone what you've been doing?! I want to speak to someone in charge! No! No, 'cause clearly you're not in charge! [his screaming can be heard from the cave underneath the park] | |
| What's going on up there? | |
| You don't even know what the fuck you're doing! Do you?! | |
| [hearing clattering] Hello? Who's there? Who's there? Goddamn it, I– I'm the fuckin' lifeguard. [he blows his whistle before PigBearGirl knocks him out with a rock] | |
| Whoa. | |
| [still yelling at Pi-Pi] No, you– you all need to get a life! I'm not wasted, you're wasted! | |
| Okay, fine, if you don't leave, I'm gonna call the police. | |
| Fuckin' do it! Fucking call the police! Bring 'em right here! Why don't you go back to your own fucking country?! | |
| Oh, hey. Whoa, whoa, whoa. | |
| A new report is being broadcast about Randy. | |
| Tom, it looks like after several days of nothing, a new Karen video has finally appeared on the Internet. A livestream caught Karen spewing the usual entitled hateful bullshit, and more and more viewers are tuning in! | |
| [on the screen] You probably don't even have a fucking green card, do you?! | |
| Okay. Please leave, okay? | |
| No! You leave! I'm an American! I pay taxes! | |
| Okay, please– please leave. | |
| No! You're a piece of shit who started the streaming wars on purpose to– to cause the drought! | |
| Okay– that's it. Everybody, we're sorry for the disturbance. | |
| Yeah, and then you pay celebrities to get people to invest in your dumb shit 'cause you know it's fucking dumb! | |
| Somebody get this Karen out of my face-y! [roaring is suddenly heard and ManBearPig runs out] Oh, you fucked now, Karen. Oh, look out! ManBearPig! | |
| Dad? Dad! [he runs out] Dad, you're okay! | |
| Tolkien? Tolkien! [they hug] Where did you come from?! | |
| We were busted out by our new friend. It's okay, you can come out. [PigBearGirl and Chuck Chuck emerge] | |
| Chuck Chuck. | |
| What the fuck is that thing? | |
| I think I can explain it all. [pause] You see, for Pi-Pi's plan to work, he needed to control climate change. And the only way to control anything, is by fucking its mom. But what Pi-Pi didn't count on, was that a child will stop at nothing to find out who's fucking their mom. | |
| [he and PigBearGirl run up to embrace ManBearPig] Chuck Chuck. | |
| [nervously] See? I– I keep them safe, uh-huh. [ManBearPig approaches him, growling] Whoa, whoa. Hold on a minute, ManBearBitchie. We have a great team, no? You no wanna hurt Pi-Pi. Look at everything we've done! [he screams and tries to run, ManBearPig chasing him up one of the waterslides] I give you half of the company, huh?! What do you say, ManBearBitchie?! We can own the only streaming service in the world together! [ManBearPig grabs Pi-Pi by the throat, tearing his head off and dropping his body down the slide] | |
| It's over. We did it! | |
| We did it, Dad! | |
| Randy. Thank you so much. [pause] Randy? What are you staring at? | |
| Oh, here we go again. | |
| No, wait. [he starts fondling Cartman's fake breasts] | |
| Mr… Mr. Marsh? My eyes are up– Dude! | |
| How to get saltwater to the desalinization plant. Saltwater– saline. Saline in the plant. Saline implant! Holy fuck! | |
| The scene cuts to the desalinization plant. Everyone is cheering as Harrison Yates gives a speech. | |
| Today we try for a new beginning. You know, in police work, we don't always get it right. I wanted a deck in my hands so bad that I didn't care whose deck it was. But I'm happy to be standing here now with our new test subject. | |
| [he steps up to the microphone] Thank you. I just want to say to my mom… Mom, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I can't always be the son that you need. Because right now you need a son that can stay firm and teach you a lesson. But unfortunately duty calls. I'm ready. [he unveils his fake boobs, allowing Nelson to hook them up to a machine] | |
| Okay, hit it. [a man pulls a lever as the saline is extracted from Cartman's chest] | |
| Okay, it works. Bring in the rest! [a large group of women with fake breasts are let in through the gate] | |
| We got Matt Damon to tell every woman with fake tits to be brave! | |
| Look at all of them. | |
| It's working! [the audience cheers loudly] | |
| Hey, everybody! Look! [everyone gathers around to watch ManBearPig return to the forest with his family] | |
| ManBearPig is leaving with PigBearGirl and Chuck Chuck. [ManBearPig roars] | |
| Chuck Chuck! | |
| Hey, wait. If that little thing is gonna be climate change someday, shouldn't we, like… kill it? | |
| I think what we should do is try to reach out to it, see what it needs and see if it can be different from its father. | |
| Yeah, but that all sounds really hard. We have enough water for the summer now. Fuck it. Let's smoke some weed! | |
| The crowd all cheers as the camera pans out. Credits roll. | |
| 南方公园：流量大战2 结束 | |